All good things
by kaworu-kun
Summary: First fic. Essentially, exploring a bit of Shinji's overall feelings towards Asuka and Rei. maybe some OoC, I'm completely fresh. It could even get angsty! Oh, did I mention it was short? Complete rewrite, but still same ideas.
1. Prologue

AN: Finally, after a long time, I decided to re-do this. I'd like to thank Himonky for the ideas given, and Supershayde, for helping me out with writing this over the phone.

I hope you enjoy this.

Disclaimer: I don't own Evangelion. So don't sue me please.

The sun set in Tokyo 3, reflecting over Lake Ashino in its descent. It sparkled and shone with thousands of different shades of light, and was observed by one inhabitant of the city, while mulling over his thoughts. He felt alone, yet he didn't mind it. He felt used but that was okay. He had a sad, broken smile on his face as he listened to his S-DAT player with Beethoven's "Mondschien Sonate" cassette in it. He thought of many different things as he looked over the lake from his apartment balcony. He thought of the things he had felt in the entry plug of Eva-01 when he was swallowed by the Twelfth angel. He thought of Touji's sister in hospital because of him. He thought of Touji in hospital without an arm and a leg because of him and his father's actions. He thought of Misato and her personal demons. He wondered why she hadn't told him about Touji being the pilot of Eva-03. He thought about Rei and how she was gradually warming up to her surroundings, and slowly but surely, becoming more human than a soldier of his father. He thought of the time he had pulled her out of the superheated entry plug after operation Yashima, and cried, and saw her one and only smile. This inevitably made his lips twitch in an upwards direction and make him feel less broken than he did. But while thinking of Rei, another of the women in his life came into his train of thought, and as if by magic, the small smile disappeared, and if anyone looked into Shinji Ikari's eyes, they would have seen the most concentrated form of pain and sadness and longing.

The next person to enter his train of thought was Asuka Langley Soryu.

He thought of all the time they spent together in the same house, the food they shared, the class they went to together, and all the things that should have brought him closer and closer to her. Instead, all he could feel was a gaping abyss between him and the object of his desperate longing.

He thought of the synch training that they had endured to destroy the Seventh angel. He thought of the bond they had developed over that period of time, and yet, how quickly it had dissipated. He thought of the Tenth angel, and how between the three of them, they protected the city. And after that, the dinner in which he discovered the reason, his drive to pilot. This should have brought him and Asuka closer, but she was still so far away from him. He thought of the Ninth, and the first time they all worked as a team, instead of individuals fighting one common enemy for personal gratification, and the time all three had spent on that hill, thinking. He even thought about the first day he met her, and how they both worked together to defeat the Sixth angel. Yet she was still so distant, so cold to him. Women were truly far away.

He sighed heavily as he stepped back inside his apartment, the sun having set, feeling the cool air conditioned air wrap around him, relieving him of the unbearably hot and humid air of the ever present summer. He turned his S-DAT's volume down, so as to be able to hear anyone who wanted his attention, and proceeded to go to his room, to lay on his bed. However, he didn't go past unnoticed. As he walked into the hallway that had his door in it, Asuka caught a glimpse of the face of the Third Child, and somehow, on a subconscious level, it disturbed her deeply.

'I wonder what is up with that baka. Probably just feeling sorry for himself again.'

But she was troubled by the look he had on his face. It made her feel sorry for him. And that was one of the things the Second Child hated. But she knew that look. She woke up with it some mornings. It was the look of extreme sadness and longing and despair. She'd try her best to make it disappear, and it always went away. But seeing it on Shinji meant that maybe he felt like her. Alone.

And that wasn't something she was going to stand for.

She headed towards the Third's room, intent on finding out why he might feel like her. And stopping that from happening.

AN: Hope you liked it. Review and tell me what you think of this rewrite. I'm already working on the second chapter, so I'll update before the week is over.

Thanks,

Alejandro.


	2. Do you feel alone?

AN: Here we go, part two. Hope you all like it.

Disclaimer. I don't own Eva. don' t sue me.

Shinji was lying in his room, staring at the blank white roof while listening to his S-DAT, which now had some Salieri playing. It was more for a calming effect more than anything else. He had always found Salieri to be far mellower than his nemesis Mozart. But the music wasn't helping him, as thoughts of Asuka kept appearing in his mind, reminding him of his present emotional state: Lonesome, and depressed. At least it was quiet in his room. But it wouldn't be for long.

"Knock knock," said Asuka as she opened the door loudly, slamming it to the end of the frame. Shinji sighed as the person who was prominent in his mind at that moment disturbed his moment of quiet. He slightly rolled over in his bed and sighed. He did not feel like talking to anyone at all, and especially not her. Why would she even want to listen to him tell her about how he felt? Surely, she couldn't give a crap.

"Hey! I'm talking to you, you ungrateful baka! Turn around and face me!"

Seeing as his present situation could not be fixed, Shinji rolled over to face her, and turned off his S-DAT.

"What is it Asuka?" Asked Shinji. 'She probably wants dinner. If it's that, I'll get up and make it. I wish she could cook herself some rice, or even buy some cereal instead of always relying on me to make her dinner and breakfast.

"What's that scowl on your face for? Got a crush on someone?" She said, as she got closer to him, in a teasing mood. Inevitably, Shinji turned bright red and stuttered:

"N-n-n of course not! Why do you say that?!"

"Then why do you have such a godforsaken look on your face, for Christ's sake? It's almost as if you were dead! Get up, go out and do something, just stop looking like that!" yelled Asuka.

"G-g-gomen…"

"There you go again saying you're sorry when you're not! Oh my fucking god! Say sorry one more goddamn time, Third, and I'll be sure to hit you so hard, you'll feel it for weeks on end! God, you're so pathetic when you huddle up and say "gomen' like that. It makes me want to puke!"

At that moment, something inside Shinji snapped. He didn't notice it, but he had just been broken brutally inside by a powerful kick from the Second Child. All he could do was roll back over again on the other side of his self, away from Asuka, and say "gomen" under his breath.

"Urgh! I need a damn break from all of this, especially from you, Third! Now go and make me some dinner, yelling at you got me starving!"

Shinji didn't say a word. He just got up, and put on his apron, and stated cooking. But if someone was looking closely, they would have been able to tell that something was off about him. It wasn't the Shinji that loved cooking. This was merely a shell of that person. But Asuka didn't care. All she wanted was her dinner, and that look off of the Third's face, and she had succeeded on both accounts. She sat down, and waited for dinner to be ready.

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The morning after, Asuka woke up after a disturbing nightmare. In this dream, she was an observer. Perhaps, never even existed, or too unimportant to be noticed. In the dream, she saw Shinji at the movies with Hikari, enjoying himself, laughing with her best friend. She tried to get Hikari's attention, but she wouldn't answer. She was too happy with Shinji to notice her, and Shinji was getting lost in the moment with Hikari as she leaned in for a kiss…

She woke up abruptly, springing right up, with a really dry throat. She was blinded by the sun for a bit, and while she looked around, she noticed the time. She was late. She got out of bed intent on murdering the Third Child, but she noticed he was gone. He had probably left for school already. He had left her a simple breakfast on the table and lunch, but it was cold. She left after taking a bath and without eating her breakfast.

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She got to school barely on time. She noticed Shinji in his seat, staring out of the window, as per usual. She was about to make a run for him, but just then, Hikari made her usual "Rise, Bow, Sit!" call, and class had begun.

The day went by as usual. Sensei lectured the class on Second Impact. Kensuke was on the school network, going through the senpais network drives and their "interesting" contents. Hikari was uncharacteristically sighing melancholically while staring out of the window. Everyone in the class knew something had happened to Touji, and they all knew she had a crush the size of a small planet on him. Rei was simply staring out of the window, as she always did. But she was the only person that noticed something was off with Ikari that day. He did not attempt to greet her when he sat down today, and he was taking notes instead of messaging the other students. But he was doing it as if it were a duty he was programmed for, Instead of the usual bore he affronts his work with. He did not complain, he merely typed what he needed to type, nothing more, nothing less.

At lunch he was also different. As Kensuke ran towards him to try and sit down with him, Shinji simply got up from where he was sitting and walked to the roof. When Kensuke caught up with him, he asked him:

"Hey dude, what's going on with you right now?"

But he got no answer. The only reaction in the pilot's eyes was that of a slight spark of anger that dissipated in less than a millisecond, before they reverted to the blank stare he had at that moment. Receiving no answer, He got up and left, deciding that today was just an off day for Shinji, and he was best left alone.

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As school ended, everyone got up to leave. Asuka was planning on spending some time with Hikari after school because she had asked her during lunch. So, intent on reprimanding the Third Child for his morning crimes, and informing him of her planned absence for the afternoon, she made way to his table.

"Hey, Third."

He didn't react. He continued to pack his bag.

"Hey, Third, I'm talking to you! You have no right to ignore me after what you did to me this morning! Why did you do that, huh?"

He had no reply. He just finished packing his bag, got up and started to leave.

"Fine! Don't listen to me, but you will get your punishment, understood? Just tell Misato I'll be at Hikari's place for a while, possibly quite late, so cook for two only."

No sign of acknowledgment. He just got out the door, and left.

"Say something for Christ's sake! You can't just ignore me like this!"

He did just ingore her like that. He had left by the time she had said that.

She fumed. "C'mon Asuka. He's probably only having a really bad day" said Hikari. "Let's get going, shall we?"

They did. They left the classroom, after Hikari left the boys on cleanup duty very clear what would happen to them if she returned tomorrow and found the tables messed up or something. The have to had understood, because they both suddenly adopted very painful grimaces and wondered if they'd be able to spread their lineage after such a treatment.

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At Hikari's house, after dinner, Asuka broke out Hikari's SEGA Saturn as she always did, and, as always, defeated Hikari in every single game they played. It wasn't that much of an ego boost, actually, but it still felt good to beat someone.

Hikari then said: "Asuka, can we take a break? I really need to talk about something to you."

"Awww, it's probably just cause I'm kicking your ass flat!"

"No Asuka, seriously. I need to tell you something."

"Bleh, fine. Let's pause and turn the TV off, this score is too good to lose."

Asuka turned off the TV and hit start on the controller. She then turned around to speak to her friend.

"So, what's up Hikari? Something eating you up inside?"

Not the right thing to say. Hikari instantly bit back a wretch, and took a deep breath.

"Well, what is it then?" asked Asuka. It took Hikari a few minutes to calm down and start talking without weeping.

"I know what happened to Touji. I went and saw him at the hospital. He lost a leg and an arm. I feel so sorry for him. His dreams of playing sports are over for him, and he must feel so alone! Whenever I think of him, I just want to tear up and cry, you know?

Yeah, she did kn- No she didn't. She did not know about missing people desperately. She did not know about feeling lonely. She was Asuka Langley Sohryu. But that didn't mean she couldn't sympathize.

"Yeah, I know. I still don't get what you see in that jock. But hey, everyone has got to have somebody, right?"

'Yeah, even m- No, I don't need to have anybody! I can handle it just quite well on my own, thank you very much!'

"Asuka, do you have anyone you really need in your life? Someone you can depend on?"

'I used to. His name was Ryoji. But he got taken from me by her. Gott she's intolerable!'

"No I don't. But I can still understand what you are saying. I might even help you go and see the dumb jock next Saturday, if I can get the head doctor to let you in."

'Well, I might have someone. I can really depend on him. He's actual- Shut up. You, Asuka, don't need anyone. _Especially_ not him. Not that gutless piece of turd that can only feel sorry and cook. And cook only boring stuff at that. You can do just well without that sorry excuse for a human being. All he is there for is to save you time and effort with measly lower tasks.'

"Thank you so much Asuka! I'll owe you one!"

"Don't mention it. Just don't come whining to me when you get sick of him and have two kids."

Hikari blushed. And something began to tug away at Asuka's heart. Like a constant feeling of needing something. But she just dismissed it at her hormones going nuts. But for a moment there, she could have actually felt she was alone, and needed someone.

AN: Damn. This is long. At least for me. Next chapter coming up soon. Please review!


	3. I do

Part Three. Tell me if this is still good, or if it's just bleh. I'll try and get on with the fourth chapter as soon as possible. Christmas time, isn't a barrier for me.

That same afternoon, Shinji walked into the flat, closing the door behind him. He took off his shoes and was greeted by Pen-Pen. Instead of ruffling the penguins' hair though, the Third Child just walked straight on to his room, changed the tape inside from Salieri to Rachmaninov and laid down on his bed. He tried not to let himself think too much, but the same thoughts were still there, and the same red headed german was still prominently featured in them. He tried fast forwarding to the climax of the song, to concentrate on the different music lines in the movement, but the overall emotion of the piece got the best of him. He stopped the tape and angrily ripped out the headphones from his ears, sitting upright again. He decided he'd get up and cook for himself and Misato when she came home, since Asuka wouldn't be there. He felt mixed towards that thought. On one hand, it was peaceful without her. On the other, dinners just didn't feel the same without the loud and angry Second Child at the table complaining. However, the memory of her saying 'God, you're so pathetic when you huddle up and say "gomen' like that. It makes me want to puke!' just killed any sentiment in Shinji's mind at that moment, and he decided to cook. It always helped him to clear his mind completely. Before that however, the telephone rang. Shinji went to pick it up.

"Hello, Katsuragi residence"

"I know my own number Shinji, don't worry. I'm calling to say that I'm going to be pulling another all-nighter at NERV. So don't bother cooking for me, I'll manage to eat something here."

"Ok Misato."

"I guess I'll see you tomorrow then, right?"

"Right."

"Hey, what's wrong Shinji, you don't sound so-"

He hung up, suddenly very angry. After he calmed down, he proceeded to walk towards the kitchen, ready to cook for himself. However, he had lost his appetite. He just sat down on the table, playing with the knife from the cutlery he had set out for himself. After twirling it in his hand for 20 minutes or so, he got up, pocketed the knife and walked into his room. Anyone walking past him could have sworn they heard him say: "Are you leaving me alone here too, Misato?"

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After dinner with the Horaki's, Asuka left their house, and walked to the train station to go home. She had decided she would help Hikari see Touji on Saturday, and would have to talk to a few people in NERV tomorrow. They wouldn't deny such a small request from her, because she was the great Asuka Langley Sohryu, and she got her way, all of the time. However, there was one main thing at the back of her mind on that walk to the train station. One that was always there, and she managed to repress every day. But something had happened then at Hikari's that had amplified it, and now it wouldn't leave her alone. She violently shook herself, trying to remove that feeling from her mind.

That feeling was a feeling of being abandoned and being alone. And with that came a feeling of wanting it to stop. But she did not want to say how. The mere thought enraged her.

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That night, Asuka dreamt again. She was in front of the apartment building. It was night. She realized she was able to control her movements, and suddenly had a strange urge to walk. She went into the buildings' small garden, and she sat down on a bench. Then she realized there were people sitting opposite her. One of them was crying, and the other was listening to the former, and comforting her as much as he could.

"I just thought that maybe I had a chance. I thought she actually wanted to be with me. The way she looked at me was so wonderful, it made me feel alive. I wanted those eyes on me, loving me. But now she probably just hates me! She must think I'm a freak! Oh god, I feel so awful!" Said the one that was crying. She sobbed for a while more while the one comforting her held her for a while more, slightly massaging her back.

Asuka had mixed feelings about that scene. She was disgusted by the overall image of weakness in a human being, finding those people inferior to herself. But at the same time, she wanted to break down just like the person in front of her, and most of all, she wanted someone to hold her just like that. She felt angry. But at the same time, incredibly sad and alone. Then, the other figure spoke softly:

"I don't know much about feelings. I don't have anyone for myself. But somehow, I get the feeling she just has a great sense of guilt, and she doesn't want that to affect you. 1 think its because she cares for you that much is the reason she rejected you. She doesn't think you are a freak. She probably thinks of herself as undeserving of you, and wanting to protect you from herself."

"But I don't care! All I want in this miserable life where I could cease to exist any day, is to be able to die having been in her arms!"

"Maya, I think that that is her deepest desire too. But she probably just has a lot of guilt she has to work through to be able to see that. You need to make it clear to her that you don't care about the guilt, and that you want to help her with it. Maybe that way, she'll realize that she wants you too. And it might take her some time to be able to feel for you, but I really think you should give it another try. You of all the people in the geofront do not deserve to feel this way. You are an amazing, beautiful person that only deserves the best, Maya. Don't settle for any less."

She silently cried for a while more in the comforter's arms. But after a while, she said:

"Thank you, Shinji."

And then Asuka forgot all of her angry feelings, and felt very alone and confused. No matter how hard she tried not to feel it, she wanted to be in Shinji's arms, telling him how she felt, and be comforted just like that. She was so alone, and it hurt so much.

Shinji then looked up, straight at Asuka. She felt a few tears roll down her cheeks. These weren't the usual tears she shed when she missed her mother. This was a whole new level of loneliness, one that struck deeper inside than before. She called out to him from in front of him:

"Shinji!" She half yelled, half sobbed. But Shinji just looked back down at Maya. Asuka tried calling his name one more time, but he didn't look up again. He couldn't see her, or hear her.

She laid down on the bench, and wept. In the real world, she was crying, and mumbling something like "Shinji, hold me. Shinji, don't let me go."

She was broken. It was only a shame that she couldn't see that in the plain of reality and had to deal with it in her dreams.

Please review, so I can stop writing it if you don't like it. Plenty more suffering ahead, but you will all be rewarded.

Thanks for reading,

-Alejandro


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